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Al's Cancer Update - The Last Day
August 5th started out like many of the other days.
Al wanted to use the commode. We used our usual "hug method" of getting him to stand and take the few steps to the commode. Crissy moved the commode closer as he was having a real hard time with even a few steps. Then, again, the hug to get him back in bed. I lifted his legs as Crissy moved his upper body into place.
I took the pail, from the commode, to the bathroom to empty it and noticed blood in his stool. I saved the evidence for the nurse to see. I called hospice, and told then about the blood. She asked the color and when I said, "bright red", she said it is probably just hemorrhoids. I said, "Funny, that is what they said 8 years ago." I also asked that a nurse come out. (Brenda had gone on vacation) They said, "Of course."
I went back to the bedroom and asked if he was ready for his breakfast and he said, "No, just water."
I have, what I call a sipper cup. It has a built in straw that comes out from the bottom of the cup. It is made for children and has a screw on lid. I gave him a drink, and he began to choke.
I was thinking, "Oh God, I am not prepared for this. Did we make a mistake thinking we could take care of him. What if he dies because of something I did?"
I said to him. "I need to talk to you." He looked at me and I continued. "I don't think we can do this anymore. We need help. We need someone who can come quickly. I want to take you to the Nursing Home." He didn't say anything. I paused and then said, "You have to make the decision."
Crissy said she heard him say "No."
I did not hear an answer, so I said, "Think about it and let me know."
When he wanted more water, Crissy got him ice chips so he would not choke again. He was satisified with that. After that we filled a washcloth with water and squeezed the cloth into his mouth.
A friend called and asked how he was doing and I mentioned that I wished I had gotten some glycerine swabs so his lips would not dry out. Within a half hour, Charlie showed up with the swabs.
A couple of times, Al asked us to move him as he was in pain. First it was "straighten me out" Then "just lift my hips up and down" Nothing seemed to help. When the nurse arrived, she said we could double up on the morphine. She showed Crissy how to melt the little pill in water. She carefully gave it to him from a spoon, under his tongue. That way it absorbs into the blood stream much quicker.
He continued to ask us to move him. "Pull my legs. Just pull them straight down".
Noon
Within a half hour, the morphine worked and he was asleep. He slept all afternoon but moaned with each breath. I do not know if he went into a coma, as we decided not to wake him for his next pain medication.
Late Afternoon
Later in the afternoon, our granddaughters, Jen and Erin stopped by, with Jen's boyfriend David, who is an EMT.
I remembered that I did not know what to do when he died; who to call.
I went to the diningroom and called the hospital. I told her that we were getting close to the end (I still thought we had another day or two) and I did not know what to do when he died. He wanted to donate any organs that were usable and I knew this had to be done quickly.
She put me in touch with the eye bank and I was talking to them when Erin came to the diningroom, she said, "Grandma, I think you better come to the bedroom"
I was later told that Al began not breathing for a short periods of time. Finally there were no more breaths. David looked at the clock. It was 7:23.
Even though I had done all I could for him, I wish I had been there.
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
Author Unknown