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Notes about this site

Some Notes on Military Life


One reason the Armed Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.


For example: The order "Secure A Building..."

Marines would assault the building, capture it,
and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.
Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Navy personnel would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a
three-year lease with an option to buy.

FOR SALE
Iraqi rifle.
Never fired.
Dropped once

Uncle Sam's Boys in Uniform!

A lot of people wonder how they came up with the design
for the military's camouflage outfits.

Easy -- they patterned it after Army and Marine food.

If you think I'm kidding about the food, ask anyone
who's ever been in the Marines or the Army.
About the worst punishment you could be given while
in Boot Camp was "seconds" at the Mess Hall.

Those camouflage outfits are pretty effective though.
One soldier fainted while in formation and they couldn't
find him for 2 days.

One recruit found that all of the uniforms he was issued
fit him perfectly. He began to worry that he was deformed.

The Marine aboard ship was beyond seasick.
A Navy Corpsman said, "Can I get you something ?"
The young Marine replied, "How about an island ?"

During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine
why he was falling back during a really fierce battle.
"Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?"
The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir."

SOME Of Murphy's Military Laws:

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone
is an officer with a map.

The problem with taking the easy way out
is that the enemy has already mined it.

The buddy system is essential to your survival;
it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

If your advance is going well,
you are walking into an ambush.

The quartermaster has only two sizes,
too large and too small.

Never worry about the bullet
with your name on it.
Instead, worry about shrapnel
addressed to 'occupant'.

All battles are fought uphill
and in the rain.

Tracers work both ways.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.

It isn't necessary to be an idiot
to be a senior officer,
but it sure helps.

Your equipment was made by the lowest bidder.

Collision Course


This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation
of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the
coast of Newfoundland.

The name of the ship has been disguised to protect idiots.


CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees the
South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees
the North to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your
course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship.
I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS HAYES, THE
SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.
WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND
NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR
COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES
NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO
ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.


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