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YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM
THE MIDWEST
WHEN...
You wake up when it's dark and go to bed when it's
still light.
You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due
to wind and weather.
The local gas station sells live bait.
You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery
store.
You are related to more than half the town.
You can tell the difference between a deer and a
cow from a distance.
All your radio preset buttons are country.
Using the elevator involves a corn truck.
Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and
insurance salesman.
Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it
reaches back to town before you do.
You know you should listen to the weather forecast
before picking out an outfit.
You are walking knee-deep in snow.
There's a tornado warning and the whole town is
outside watching for it.
You go to the State Fair for your family vacation.
You get up at 5:30 a.m. and go down to the coffee
shop.
You are on a first name basis with the county
sheriff.
Little smokies are something you serve on
special occasions.
You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.
You call the wrong number and talk to the person
for an hour anyway.
You consider a romantic evening driving through Hardees and
renting a hunting instructional video.
You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon.
You can tell it's a farmer working late in his
field and not a UFO.
Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code.
You leave your snow tires on year-round.
You know the "handles" for everyone on the CB.
Your excuse for getting out of school is that the
cows got out.
You know cow pies aren't made of beef.
You pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair.
You'll skip your cousin's funeral for the first day
of deer season.
You have two seasons, winter and construction
You wear your irrigation boots to church.
You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays
before the Sunday drivers come out.
It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town.
You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feed lot apart.
Your primary source of transportation is a pick-up truck.
You don't clean up the dog's mess because it's just fertilizer.
The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with him.
During a storm you check the cattle before you
check the kids.
AND YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM IOWA.... IF
* Weather is 80% of your conversation
* Down south to you means Missouri
* You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines" (De Moine)
* You know what "Amish Country" is
* Snow tires came standard on your car
* You have no concept of public transportation
* You know more than one person that has hit a deer.
* You know the answer to the question, "Is this Heaven?"
* Your school classes have been canceled because of snow
* You've licked frozen metal
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* At least 99% of your high school class graduated, 80% went on to college and 75% of those went to Iowa State University
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* The main reason you go to Missouri
is to get fireworks
or hear live country music
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* You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees out in March,
but bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60 degrees
* You have gone Trick-or-Treating in two feet of snow
* When you have corn on the cob, for supper,
you don't need anything else
* You carry jumper cables in your car
* You drink "POP"
* You know exactly where "Field of Dreams" was filmed
* When someone says they are going out for dinner or supper,
you
know which meal they are talking about.
*You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in
under 20 seconds.
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