Best seen with Notes about this site The Medical Community The Hospital Bill A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters;' they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law. Doctor note on chart of patient who died: Patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential. From the Lancaster Eagle News: Health department says death certificates are to be ordered one week in advance of death. A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients 1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. ....Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. ....Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. ....Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. ....You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. ....It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. ....Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest. 7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. ....You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians. 8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford. ....It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means. 9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor. ....The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure. 10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. ....This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
The Medical Community The Hospital Bill A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters;' they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law. Doctor note on chart of patient who died: Patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential. From the Lancaster Eagle News: Health department says death certificates are to be ordered one week in advance of death. A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients 1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. ....Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. ....Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. ....Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. ....You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. ....It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. ....Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest. 7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. ....You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians. 8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford. ....It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means. 9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor. ....The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure. 10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. ....This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
The Hospital Bill A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters;' they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law. Doctor note on chart of patient who died: Patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential. From the Lancaster Eagle News: Health department says death certificates are to be ordered one week in advance of death. A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients 1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. ....Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. ....Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. ....Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. ....You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. ....It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. ....Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest. 7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. ....You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians. 8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford. ....It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means. 9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor. ....The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure. 10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. ....This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters;' they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law. Doctor note on chart of patient who died: Patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential. From the Lancaster Eagle News: Health department says death certificates are to be ordered one week in advance of death. A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients 1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. ....Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. ....Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. ....Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. ....You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. ....It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. ....Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest. 7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. ....You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians. 8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford. ....It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means. 9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor. ....The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure. 10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. ....This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
Doctor note on chart of patient who died: Patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential. From the Lancaster Eagle News: Health department says death certificates are to be ordered one week in advance of death. A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients 1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. ....Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. ....Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. ....Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. ....You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. ....It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. ....Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest. 7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. ....You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians. 8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford. ....It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means. 9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor. ....The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure. 10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. ....This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients 1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. ....Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. ....Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. ....Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. ....You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. ....It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. ....Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest. 7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. ....You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians. 8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford. ....It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means. 9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor. ....The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure. 10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. ....This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. ....Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. ....Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. ....Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. ....You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. ....It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. ....Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest. 7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. ....You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians. 8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford. ....It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means. 9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor. ....The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure. 10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. ....This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
Medical Terms Fester -- Uncle Vein -- Conceited Vericose -- Nearby Colic -- A sheep dog Node -- Was aware of Enema -- Not a friend Congenital -- Friendly Tumor -- An extra pair Dilate -- To live long Hangnail -- A coat hook Tablet -- A small table Morbid -- A higher offer Coma -- A punctuation mark Seizure -- A Roman emperor D&C -- Where Washington is Pelvis -- A cousin of Elvis Fibula -- A small white lie Secretion -- Hiding something Anti-body -- Against everyone Rectum -- Dang near killed 'em Medical staff -- A doctor's cane Post-operative -- A letter carrier Labor pain -- Getting hurt at work Organic -- An organ work repairman Protein -- In favor of young people Paralyze -- Two far fetched stories CAT Scan -- Searching for the kitty Artery -- The study of fine paintings Urine -- The opposite of "you are out Nitrates -- Cheaper than the day rate Impotent -- Distinguished, well known Barium -- What you do after CPR fails Genes -- What you wear cutting grass Outpatient -- A patient who has fainted Cesaerean section -- A district in Rome Bacteria -- The back door of a cafeteria Cardiology Advance -- study of poker playing Cauterize -- To make eye contact with a woman Terminal illness -- Getting sick at the airport Pharmacist -- A person who makes living in agriculture G.I. Series -- A baseball game between teams of soldiers Charlie Horse -- A 10 to 1 long shot in the Kentucky Derby Benign -- What you are after you be eight and before you be ten Cardiac arrest -- Taken into custody after stealing a coupe deville Scalpel -- What you stand on to clean windows in high rise buildings
Fester -- Uncle Vein -- Conceited Vericose -- Nearby Colic -- A sheep dog Node -- Was aware of Enema -- Not a friend Congenital -- Friendly Tumor -- An extra pair Dilate -- To live long Hangnail -- A coat hook Tablet -- A small table Morbid -- A higher offer Coma -- A punctuation mark Seizure -- A Roman emperor D&C -- Where Washington is Pelvis -- A cousin of Elvis Fibula -- A small white lie Secretion -- Hiding something Anti-body -- Against everyone Rectum -- Dang near killed 'em Medical staff -- A doctor's cane Post-operative -- A letter carrier Labor pain -- Getting hurt at work Organic -- An organ work repairman Protein -- In favor of young people Paralyze -- Two far fetched stories CAT Scan -- Searching for the kitty Artery -- The study of fine paintings Urine -- The opposite of "you are out Nitrates -- Cheaper than the day rate Impotent -- Distinguished, well known Barium -- What you do after CPR fails Genes -- What you wear cutting grass Outpatient -- A patient who has fainted Cesaerean section -- A district in Rome Bacteria -- The back door of a cafeteria Cardiology Advance -- study of poker playing Cauterize -- To make eye contact with a woman Terminal illness -- Getting sick at the airport Pharmacist -- A person who makes living in agriculture G.I. Series -- A baseball game between teams of soldiers Charlie Horse -- A 10 to 1 long shot in the Kentucky Derby Benign -- What you are after you be eight and before you be ten Cardiac arrest -- Taken into custody after stealing a coupe deville Scalpel -- What you stand on to clean windows in high rise buildings
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery • Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. • Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop. • Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? • Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie. • Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? • Rats, there go the lights again... • Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em. • Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! • Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off! • What's this doing here? • That's cool! now can you make his leg twitch?! • I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses. • Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us. • Anyone see where I left that scalpel? • OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature. • Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card? • Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough. • She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!! • Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing! Top 14 Rules of the Lab 1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly. 2. Experiments must be reproducible, they should fail the same way each time. 3. First draw your curves, then plot your data. 4. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined. 5. A record of data is essential, it shows you were working. 6. To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start. 7. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance. 8. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question. 9. If that doesn't work, start at both ends and try to find a common middle. 10. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. 11. Do not believe in miracles---rely on them. 12. Team work is essential. It allows you to blame someone else. 13. All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons. 14. Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.(Law of Spontaneous Fission) The following statements were found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including (we're afraid) a doctor or two at several major hospitals: "The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately." "The skin was moist and dry." "The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch." "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed." "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy." "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." "She is numb from her toes down." "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room." back to Just Plain Funny onward Drugs Today To write to the TinChicken Click on the chick Take out the words, "NoSpam"
• Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. • Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop. • Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? • Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie. • Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? • Rats, there go the lights again... • Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em. • Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! • Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off! • What's this doing here? • That's cool! now can you make his leg twitch?! • I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses. • Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us. • Anyone see where I left that scalpel? • OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature. • Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card? • Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough. • She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!! • Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing! Top 14 Rules of the Lab 1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly. 2. Experiments must be reproducible, they should fail the same way each time. 3. First draw your curves, then plot your data. 4. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined. 5. A record of data is essential, it shows you were working. 6. To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start. 7. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance. 8. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question. 9. If that doesn't work, start at both ends and try to find a common middle. 10. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. 11. Do not believe in miracles---rely on them. 12. Team work is essential. It allows you to blame someone else. 13. All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons. 14. Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.(Law of Spontaneous Fission) The following statements were found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including (we're afraid) a doctor or two at several major hospitals: "The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately." "The skin was moist and dry." "The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch." "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed." "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy." "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." "She is numb from her toes down." "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room." back to Just Plain Funny onward Drugs Today To write to the TinChicken Click on the chick Take out the words, "NoSpam"
Top 14 Rules of the Lab
1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly. 2. Experiments must be reproducible, they should fail the same way each time. 3. First draw your curves, then plot your data. 4. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined. 5. A record of data is essential, it shows you were working. 6. To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start. 7. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance. 8. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question. 9. If that doesn't work, start at both ends and try to find a common middle. 10. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. 11. Do not believe in miracles---rely on them. 12. Team work is essential. It allows you to blame someone else. 13. All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons. 14. Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.(Law of Spontaneous Fission) The following statements were found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including (we're afraid) a doctor or two at several major hospitals: "The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately." "The skin was moist and dry." "The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch." "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed." "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy." "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." "She is numb from her toes down." "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room." back to Just Plain Funny onward Drugs Today To write to the TinChicken Click on the chick Take out the words, "NoSpam"
The following statements were found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including (we're afraid) a doctor or two at several major hospitals: "The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately." "The skin was moist and dry." "The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch." "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed." "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy." "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." "She is numb from her toes down." "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room." back to Just Plain Funny onward Drugs Today To write to the TinChicken Click on the chick Take out the words, "NoSpam"
"The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately." "The skin was moist and dry." "The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch." "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed." "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy." "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." "She is numb from her toes down." "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room." back to Just Plain Funny onward Drugs Today To write to the TinChicken Click on the chick Take out the words, "NoSpam"
back to Just Plain Funny onward Drugs Today To write to the TinChicken Click on the chick Take out the words, "NoSpam"
To write to the TinChicken Click on the chick Take out the words, "NoSpam"
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